Truth.

Today my mind set is all about truth. Truths that people don't like to talk about. It's also been stuck on emotions. Not only about being emotional, but having emotions and not being afraid to share them.

Truth is, we all have emotions. Unfortunately a lot of us are taught not to show them, not to share them, and to be tough. I was one of those people. That makes days like today especially hard. Today is one of the days where I just don't want to be alone. I want to cry when I feel like crying, I want to laugh when I feel like laughing, and I want some one there to share it with me. however, I feel like I can't share that with my parents. I feel like they just won't understand it. They tend to be a little insensitive. So the days I cry, I cry alone, or I cry with my arms wrapped around my horses neck or with my dog curled up by my side.

That brings me to another truth. Fear is another truth of my life. As I watch all of my friends grow up and get married and have kids I feel like I am being left behind. I feel like I will never find that some one to be with, that some one that deserves to share my life. I'm afraid of never being happy with some one else. I'm afraid of being alone forever.

Truth is today is one of those days that I could be sitting in a crowded room and feel all alone. I've text three people now just to say hello and none of the three has text me back. I feel like I am the only one that doesn't have any thing important going on tonight. I feel completely alone tonight. Truth is, tonight I just want to cry. Another truth is I have no reason to sit and cry. It's just one of those days where life has over whelmed me and I don't know where to turn. I know that we all go through this. And I know that when I wake up tomorrow I will feel 100% better.

Truth is, no matter how old we are, how wise and mature we are, we all need a friend at some point in our lives. Today is my day. And today my friend just happens to be my beloved miniature pincher that I can always count on. he always knows it's time to cuddle when I just want to cry. Even if there is no reason to feel lonely or cry I always feel better after I do. Another truth, I truly think that this is one of the things that makes me female!! :) lol

It's okay to laugh, It's okay to cry, It's okay to tell a friend that you need them. It's okay to feel alone, it's okay to be afraid. We're all just human. I'm pretty close to 100% sure that we all go through it.  If we open up and tell other about it, maybe we don't need to go through it alone!



Hi, my name is....(Insert Label Here)

A couple of days ago I was talking to an ex-boyfriend of mine. An ex that I still get along with very well, that I still care about very much, and an ex that would stand up for me in every horrible situation that I ever ran into. We were having a nice conversation when he told me something that unexpectedly upset me. It still upsets me enough to right a blog about it.

What my ex told me was that a mutual friend of ours, or what I thought was a friend of mine had indirectly made a comment about me. The comment that he made was in front of a large group of people and was about my ex but in reference to me, He said that my ex liked "fat chicks." I know that I am the only larger girl that my ex had ever dated, so I know that comment was strictly directed at me. 

I had known this guy for about 2 years, we went snowmobiling together, had long conversations about cars, 4 wheelers....you name it. He knew me pretty well, he knew that I am more then just a "fat chick"

That's when it hit me that this comment really bothered me. I usually just let stuff like that roll of my back and I don't put anymore thought into it. This time I couldn't just let it go. This time I was offended. I consider myself to be a farely, how do I put it, deep/ complex person. I am told I have a good personality and I have many interests.... I am more then just a fat chick. There are so many people that are labeled that are more then just what they are labeled. And I hate to think that people are letting these labels define them.

I am more then just a fat chick. I don't deny at all that I am a fat chick, but I am so very much more then that. I am caring. I am a best friend. I am a car chick. I am a girly girl. I am a party girl. I am so much more then a lot of people will ever know because they don't look past the surface to get to know me...... I am HUMAN!

I know that there are labels that girls are given that aren't negative, labels that they let define them. "The pretty girl" The smart girl" "The athletic girl"  These labels are all great but you should never limit yourself to those labels. Just because you wear one of those labels doesn't mean that you can't do something out of character. It doesn't mean that you can't wear more then one label. Wear as many labels as you want, be as many things as you want to be. Never let anyone define who you are, YOU define who you are.

So yes, I am a fat chick. That to me isn't negative. What is negative is that that this particular person chose to imply that "FAT CHICK" was the only thing that I am. Well, I am sorry buddy, but I am more then just a fat chick. I am a lot of great things all rolled into one. And if you only choose to see me as the fat chick then it is you that loses in the end. Call me what you want, define me as you wish, however in the end it's me that chooses what I am.