"Dying to be thin"

This blog entry is inspired by a conversation I had Friday night with my friends Megan and Heidi. The conversation revolved around size, weight, and the term "plus sized."

Today we all live in a society where we are told that thin is beautiful. If you aren't thin, you aren't beautiful. Simple as that. However, I think the topic goes much deeper then that. I honestly believe that you can be beautiful at any size. Size doesn't determine beauty, self confidence does.

That being said, first and foremost I would like to say that I have struggled with weight all my life. I have been overweight since the age of 5. I am what would be considered plus sized on top, and "normal" size on the bottom. That hasn't always been the case though. When I was 16 years old I weighed the most that I have ever weighed. (some where between 300 and 330lbs) I have been teased all my life. It seems that when ever some one has a problem with me their comments are immediately directed at my weight, no matter how relevant it is to the situation. Since 16 I have lost a significant amount of weight, and gained a portion of it back. I now weigh in at around 260lbs. I am 5'11" so most people would never guess that is what I weigh. But by medical standards I am still obese. By magize standards I am not beautiful.

So many women today judge their self worth by the number on their clothing. The number on the clothes goes up and their self worth goes down. There are so many things about that that's not okay. Why should we let the number on the scale or the number on our clothes wreck our days? Marilyn Monroe, one of the most beautiful women in history, was not a size 2. She wasn't even a size 4 or a size 6. In todays standard Marilyn would have been a plus sized model. But she was breath takingly beautiful.

Today there are so many teenagers, adults, and middle age people with eating disorder it is astonishing. People are literally dying to be thin. People would rather die then be "fat." I think this is absurd. Why can't we as human beings except ourselves for who we are. Whether we have gained weight from a pregnancy, illness, injury, or just a bad life style why must we constantly be reminded that we are not good enough?

That leads me to the term Plus sized and plus size stores. Why does there need to be a term plus size? Why can't it just be another size. Why must there be stored specially intended for bigger women? I have experienced the looks walking into a plus sized store and shopping in the plus sized sections. The looks that say "yep, there she goes into the big girls store. then she'll probably head to the food court and get even bigger." Or that's at least what it feels like the looks are saying.

We as people need to stop making it okay to attack other people for how much they weigh. We need to stop putting worth on other humans because of there weight. We need to stop making okay for magazines to tell us that if we aren't thin, we aren't beautiful. Most of all we need to support each other in weight loss journeys if that's a goal that we have. Whether you're a size 2 or a size 22 you are beautiful. Your size doesn't determine your value, you determine your value. We need to stop telling little girls that they have to be thin to be loved. We need to stop dying to be thin. Being thin should not be our goals. Being healthy should be. So lets all together stop the name calling, stop the stares, throw away our scales and be happy being the person you are! 

Will work for food

I would like to think that I am a pretty compasionate person, but some time we all lose sight of just how lucky we really are.

Today I was on my way to my physical therapy appoint. I've been feeling pretty down on myself because I can't do much because of my back. I haven't been to work since Thanksgiving and I am waiting on word that they are going to do surgery. To me most days this has been the end of the world because I will be 24 next week and I think that as an almost 24 year old I shouldn't have to go throught all of this. Then on December 20th my beloved car that I owned for 3 months ended up getting totalled, no fault of my own, and I am still trying to settle it with the insurance company. But today was a little different,

On my way to the chiropractor in my rickety old truck, that is rusting every where and the tail pipes keep falling off of, I passed a man sitting in the snow on the side of a little road just out of town. The man was wearing a green army style jacket with the hood up, sitting on his small green back pack, holding a sign that simply said "Homeless." My heart immediatly went out to him because I know what it's like to be down on your luck, not to that extent though. My heart hurt for him even more when a car passing by honked the horn and gave him the finger. I thought to myself how could people be so heartless? I didn't have any cash on me, so there wasn't much I could do to help. I went on about my day thinking what could I really do?

I was at physical therapy doing my exersizes and the mans faces kept creeping into my mind. I felt guilty for doing nothing. I went on with my day anyway. I finished up PT and had an hour or so to kill until my chiropractors appointment so I headed over to the beauty supply store to get myself some new nail polish. As I browsed the warm store his face crept into my mind again, and I still felt guilty. I felt like just as bad of a person as the one who gave him the finger. I left the store, nail polish and debit card in tow and headed towards the chiropractor when my own guilt overwhelmed me. I had to atleast try to do something. I stopped off at a gas station with an ATM and withdrew a 20 and headed back in the direction I had seen the homeless man. with any luck he would still be sitting there.

When I got back to the spot where he was sitting he wasn't there, but as I looked up the road I saw a man walking, sign hanging in one of his hands. I pulled up along side him and rolled down my window. I simply said "sir, I want to help and this is the only way I know how to" and handed the 20 in his direction. At first he refused, saying he couldn't take that much but I insisted. I told him it was the least I could do and that he must take it, and he did. He said God bless and smiled as I rolled up my window.

I drove away feeling satisfied, I didn't know his story and I probably never will. He very well may have gone straight to the liqour store with my money and bought himself some booze, but that isn't important to me. If that man could swallow enough of his pride to sit along side a road with a homeless sign then he clearly needed that money more then I did. His smile was enough to warm my heart and make me see the good that I am truely blessed with in my life.

As I drove home after the chiropractor my "low fuel" light in my truck came on. I thought about the mans smile and I smiled. The "bad" I have been dealing with didn't matter anymore. What mattered today was making some one elses day better, which I truely hope I did.

Living in a mans world

Pretty much my entire life I have felt like I was a woman living in a mans world. I've always had to know more or bust ass just a little harder to gain the respect of those around me. Let me explain. Growing up I've been the classic case of a tomboy. I hung out in my Dads repair shop with the boys, so I learned motors, grease, and go fast parts at an early age. This had continued into my adulthood. I now own 2 classic cars, 2 snowmobiles and work in a welding shop with 250+ guys. I am the only female. In fact, I am the only female to ever work in the production area of this shop. (I do hope that changes in the future) If there's one thing I've noticed as a female in a "Mans World" they aren't easy on you. They don't give you respect until you've earned it. and some times to earn it you have to work 2-3 times harder then you would if you had different parts between your legs. I've always been okay with that until as of recently, when one man refused to work with me because I am a girl. He didn't even give me a chance to stick up for myself, to prove to him that I could hang with the guys.. Just cut and dry, I don't want to work with her. I've also noticed this trend in more place then just at work... One of the most famous lines I hear when driving my prized white Mercury is "Is that your Daddy's car?" why no sir, it is not. Is it so unbelievable that a woman could own something that takes more automotive no how then to put gas in? Probably not.

It is the year 2011, women hold offices of power, they run companies, they do everything that men can do and probably then some. So why is it that so many women still encounter this? because I ensure you that I can't be the only one!! Any way, my point to this little rant I seem to have gone on is this, to any girl out there that is told you can't, YOU CAN. If some one tells you it's a mans job, prove them wrong. Don't let anyone get you down because you are a girl with a unique interest. You can do anything you set your mind to. And to the guys who tell these girls that they can't do it, I hope some little girl comes along and does it better then you! :)

"A woman can do anything a man can do. But she can do it backwards and in heels!"